Today I did something everyone should do at least once in their life... I went to an Ikea store to get furniture for my bedroom. And I've never been to an Ikea before... I've heard a lot about it, I've seen it in movies... but still... nothing quite prepared me for all the wonders of Ikea.
The entrance going in is kind of amazing... you go up these escalators and you know there's just going to be beautifully sleek and functional furniture everywhere... and it will just be the most wonderful place you will ever see. I didn't know that they had rooms everywhere though... and it was a little confusing because not only were there rooms everywhere... but there was also random furniture in places. There was furniture that looked like it didn't belong... everything was crazy. It did look like maybe Lilith from Fraiser lived there and she got Monica from friends to clean everything up... but maybe a hoarder snuck in all the extra furniture and home decor... it was different.
There were employees there too... but they were not even a little bit helpful. I'm sorry if you work at Ikea and your helpful... but man. Plus... they must know the answers to these things right? They're just playing along... they literally live in Ikea. No? They don't live there... well then. Lol. But for real... there are computers for them to look shit up in... and they don't look anything up. They're not trained to be salespeople, they won't jump up and down your neck... but look things up for yourself.
And you have to write stuff down or take pictures of the items on your phone if you ever want to find it again... what's that all about? I didn't know that when I was entering the store... and I saw stuff I wanted... didn't write it down... and it was lost forever... and now I'll never know...
Also... Spoiler Alert coming up... so if you've never been to Ikea and you don't know how it ends... you might want to stop here... I knew about the cafeteria and the tiny meatballs... I DIDN'T KNOW THE STORE ENDED AT THE TINY MEATBALLS! It was crazy! One minute it's like "Hey... life is normal. I'm in a furniture store... then BAM! Bathrooms and a cafeteria. Who would have thought?
But that isn't the end... after that you go downstairs... and going downstairs is the best of places and the worst of places... It will make you feel more joy than you've ever felt in your life... and then it will take all of that joy away in seconds. It might tear your family apart... it might make you do regrettable things...
And in that downstairs... you have the joys of the Home Decor part... and the harsh reality that is the warehouse part...
Now the home decor part is pretty long... so if you're not really into their decor, don't really see the point of purchasing decor in store... it's a little boring because you aren't really going to find anything and it does take a long time... but it's also kind of nice to just take some time to not worry about getting stuff. Eyes on the prize... you gotta get that furniture and any home decor you can find at Target or online... you've got this. Just keep moving and then...
Ohhhh no. Go back. GO BACK! DO NOT GRAB A CART JUST GO BACK!
Okay... you didn't go back... It's alright... I didn't either... and now I'm stuck in this warehouse. And there's some patio furniture... Some computers that I'm pretty sure were made wayyyy back when before computers were even invented... that's how old they are... and the least helpful employees you could ever come across... seriously. They will give you a cart... but if you thought they were going to move anything for you... think again!
Also if you thought the cart would be a nice big cart that could easily fit ones entire bedroom furniture... you'd be wrong again... the carts are not easy to drive. they're also kind of small... and I swear the more furniture you put on your cart... the more they shrink. When you come in it's regular sized... but when you fill it with all your furniture... it transforms into a tiny cart that maybe Carrot Top would use in an act... yep. That's right. Carrot Top.
Anyway once you have your 3 teeny tiny carts all filled up you can pay... and maybe it was just me wanting to leave or my relief of not using the cart for a few minutes... but it didn't take to long for them to ring up. The people at the checkout line really know what they're doing.
And then you get to leave the store... but at that point... Everyone in the entire store just walks right in front of you and walking at an insanely slow speed. So you can't just run out the doors like "I did it" to "We are The Champions" by Queen... you have to try to not hit all these people with your cart. That's not as easy as you'd think. And some people are super nice about it because they've all escaped and lived to tell the tale... so... they're willing to help.
Then you just have to get the things into the car... which is like a puzzle... that you hope doesn't turn out like Jenga... it's risky business... but it all fit nicely in the car... so that was good at least. Ikea is pretty far... and no one wants to go to Ikea and then have to go back to ikea... so we got everything I needed- one stop shop... right there. It was nice!
So yeah... overall... weird place. Sort of love it... but it's also kind of terrible. It's like a theme park... only terrible. That is how I'd describe it. Highly recommend having a plan beforehand. They actually even have an App... so if you have the app- that would really help... and everything I'm saying about it is in jest... it is nice to see the furniture in person first and to see how it's assembled and stuff... and you will be a better person after you go there because you know whoever designs hell uses this design... so if you're a nice person... it's just purgatory or limbo or whatever.
That's Ikea.
Byeee!
-Shannon
The entrance going in is kind of amazing... you go up these escalators and you know there's just going to be beautifully sleek and functional furniture everywhere... and it will just be the most wonderful place you will ever see. I didn't know that they had rooms everywhere though... and it was a little confusing because not only were there rooms everywhere... but there was also random furniture in places. There was furniture that looked like it didn't belong... everything was crazy. It did look like maybe Lilith from Fraiser lived there and she got Monica from friends to clean everything up... but maybe a hoarder snuck in all the extra furniture and home decor... it was different.
There were employees there too... but they were not even a little bit helpful. I'm sorry if you work at Ikea and your helpful... but man. Plus... they must know the answers to these things right? They're just playing along... they literally live in Ikea. No? They don't live there... well then. Lol. But for real... there are computers for them to look shit up in... and they don't look anything up. They're not trained to be salespeople, they won't jump up and down your neck... but look things up for yourself.
And you have to write stuff down or take pictures of the items on your phone if you ever want to find it again... what's that all about? I didn't know that when I was entering the store... and I saw stuff I wanted... didn't write it down... and it was lost forever... and now I'll never know...
Also... Spoiler Alert coming up... so if you've never been to Ikea and you don't know how it ends... you might want to stop here... I knew about the cafeteria and the tiny meatballs... I DIDN'T KNOW THE STORE ENDED AT THE TINY MEATBALLS! It was crazy! One minute it's like "Hey... life is normal. I'm in a furniture store... then BAM! Bathrooms and a cafeteria. Who would have thought?
But that isn't the end... after that you go downstairs... and going downstairs is the best of places and the worst of places... It will make you feel more joy than you've ever felt in your life... and then it will take all of that joy away in seconds. It might tear your family apart... it might make you do regrettable things...
And in that downstairs... you have the joys of the Home Decor part... and the harsh reality that is the warehouse part...
Now the home decor part is pretty long... so if you're not really into their decor, don't really see the point of purchasing decor in store... it's a little boring because you aren't really going to find anything and it does take a long time... but it's also kind of nice to just take some time to not worry about getting stuff. Eyes on the prize... you gotta get that furniture and any home decor you can find at Target or online... you've got this. Just keep moving and then...
Ohhhh no. Go back. GO BACK! DO NOT GRAB A CART JUST GO BACK!
Okay... you didn't go back... It's alright... I didn't either... and now I'm stuck in this warehouse. And there's some patio furniture... Some computers that I'm pretty sure were made wayyyy back when before computers were even invented... that's how old they are... and the least helpful employees you could ever come across... seriously. They will give you a cart... but if you thought they were going to move anything for you... think again!
Also if you thought the cart would be a nice big cart that could easily fit ones entire bedroom furniture... you'd be wrong again... the carts are not easy to drive. they're also kind of small... and I swear the more furniture you put on your cart... the more they shrink. When you come in it's regular sized... but when you fill it with all your furniture... it transforms into a tiny cart that maybe Carrot Top would use in an act... yep. That's right. Carrot Top.
Anyway once you have your 3 teeny tiny carts all filled up you can pay... and maybe it was just me wanting to leave or my relief of not using the cart for a few minutes... but it didn't take to long for them to ring up. The people at the checkout line really know what they're doing.
And then you get to leave the store... but at that point... Everyone in the entire store just walks right in front of you and walking at an insanely slow speed. So you can't just run out the doors like "I did it" to "We are The Champions" by Queen... you have to try to not hit all these people with your cart. That's not as easy as you'd think. And some people are super nice about it because they've all escaped and lived to tell the tale... so... they're willing to help.
Then you just have to get the things into the car... which is like a puzzle... that you hope doesn't turn out like Jenga... it's risky business... but it all fit nicely in the car... so that was good at least. Ikea is pretty far... and no one wants to go to Ikea and then have to go back to ikea... so we got everything I needed- one stop shop... right there. It was nice!
So yeah... overall... weird place. Sort of love it... but it's also kind of terrible. It's like a theme park... only terrible. That is how I'd describe it. Highly recommend having a plan beforehand. They actually even have an App... so if you have the app- that would really help... and everything I'm saying about it is in jest... it is nice to see the furniture in person first and to see how it's assembled and stuff... and you will be a better person after you go there because you know whoever designs hell uses this design... so if you're a nice person... it's just purgatory or limbo or whatever.
That's Ikea.
Byeee!
-Shannon
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