The Daily Something

So today started with me waking up at 5:30am because I'm convinced I'm turning into a lizard because my skin is so dry and scaly there is no other possible explanation than me being a lizard. Then I watched youtube videos instead of writing the book I'm supposed to be working on... I had coffee and an english muffin with blackberry jelly at some point and then got dressed and fell asleep... and it was the most relaxing nap. I think I had some sort of dream, and idk what I was dreaming about, but it was nice and I woke up feeling good. Then I did makeup even though I'm a lizard and I wasn't leaving the house that day.Just something I felt like doing. The rest of the day mostly consisted of me picking up dog poop. This may be TMI... but I noticed the coffee table was a little smelly... didn't think much of it until I put my hand in something... so I cleaned off my foot and under the table. And we had sausage for dinner that... wasn't the most appetiz...

This is kind of a funny story/words of advice for any holiday shoppers. The holidays are a lovely time, they are spent with family and there is a lot of food. The problem is that lots of food=lots of farts. Like so many farts. This isn't usually that much of a problem, your family will love you if you fàrt or not... But when stores open on thanksgiving and you're working and you're trying to fold a table and it smells like farts... You have a bit of a problem. It happened to me this year and I hope that stores realize this and go "yo that's disgusting let's not open on thanksgiving night because all the stores smell like shit." Because that's how all meetings about opening on holidays go. Another holiday to beware of farts on: valentines day. If you are alone on Valentines day and you see a couple, chances are that guy has to fart. Chances are pretty good he won't fart in front of the girl he's with, so he will fart near you. And it is gros...