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ABCDEFG- by the Chinese food girl.

Hey Scribblers (thats what I'm going to call whoever reads this now) remember how amazing Rebecca Black's song Friday was? No you don't because it was horrible, as was the studio Arc Music Factory and in particular the song writer for the factory Patrice Wilson.

Now no one has brought anything up about Friday or Wilson in years... until a few weeks ago when the song "Chinese Food" by Some Blonde Girl came out. (I don't remember her name and I'm not going to google it.) Anyway they just came up with a new collaboration together called ABCDEFG and I thought I would share my reactions with you. Keep in mind, I started watching it with the song on, but felt the need to turn the volume down because it was soooo horrible.

Now it opens up with a tiny town and text that says "Mr.Wilson's Neighborhood" and Patrice Wilson just standing above the tiny houses with a creepy smile on his face and a Mr. Rogers Sweater. Already, I freaking hate this. Mr. Rogers always creeped me out and Mr. Wilson is about 10 times creepier. He then checks in on The Blonde Chinese Food Girl in one of the tiny houses windows, and he just stands there and looks in on her sitting in one of those cool swing chairs. And smiling. Very Creepily. This is when I almost stopped watching the video because I thought that was the creepiest thing ever. I then continued to watch thinking it couldn't possibly get any creepier. *Spoiler Alert* I was wrong.

Then she's doing homework with some boy- who I actually thought was a girl at first. He's not like super girly looking or anything, but he has a long curly afro, that looks a little more like girls hair. He's less girly looking than like *insert teen pop star thats fans would kill me for calling them girly here* but the way that he's shown on the couch makes it confusing. I also didn't get that the Blonde girl was into him the first time I watched it, so clearly her acting is sub-par. Then it shows her back in her room on her swing, flipping through a dictionary... because you know whenever you have trouble with boys, clearly reading a dictionary will make them go crazy. (although I will admit its really sexy when a guy uses big words. Even if you don't understand what he's saying and have to google it before texting him back.) And Mr. Wilson's watching with a look on his face like "hmmm I need to get these two crazy kids together. So he starts tapping on her bedroom window.

Then Blonde girl, who's name I'm thinking begins with A because she has a pillow with an A on it. Maybe it's just cause the song is called ABCDEFG. Idk, let's just call her A right now. So A looks out the window and sees a van, that can definitely fit a mattress in the back of it. And a note that says "GET IN THE VAN NOW!" (I paraphrase a little.) She stares at it. Thinks about it for a second and then gets in the van. That's right. This song is telling young girls to get in their vans.

Then theres a view of the tiny town again and Mr. Wilson moving this van with his hands. Creepy. She then sees the boy she likes walking around. And Mr. Wilson puts in an Asian man that I thought was dressed as a prison inmate at first, but he's cupid. He's just dressed in a weird janitor-looking uniform. He was probably cast in the Chinese food video and then Patrice made him do this one too... because the Chinese Food song was way too offensive for him to want to do anything with these people again, I would hope. Ohhh and I didn't get he was cupid till later on in the video, because of the way he shoots the bow and arrow. I thought he was trying to shoot her because the Chinese food song offended him.

Then the van arrives at some place that really looks like a prison that says "Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So-La-Ti- Do" which 1) Isn't it Da, not Do... maybe they couldn't get the rights to that. 2) Way too long of a name for anyplace.

So she gets inside and it looks like a strip club. Wait no, this is a kids thing, its just a regular club. Cause those 12 year olds go to those clubs ALL DA TIME! She sees her crush drinking some punch. Weird cause it looks like a grown up club with alcohol, but its a 12 year old dance with fruit punch. She goes up to the boy. The boy looks at her like "listen chick, I'm not interested. I don't want to get Chinese food with you. Leave me alone." And walks away.

THIS WILL NOT DO FOR MR. WILSON!

So Mr. Wilson goes into his potion cupboard. Which I kind of don't think Mr. Rogers had. In the cupboard we see some of his other potions. There's a Motion Potion (wtf does that mean? sounds dirty) a H.A.P.P.Y potion (again sounds dirty) a Chinese food potion (cause this girl loves her chinese food. we know that she do.) a Love Potion, and a Tickle Potion (really? could they have picked any less creepy potion names.)  So he goes to grab the love potion... and he puts it in her drink. Again here is the situation. There is a kids dance party going on, and a grown ass man slips something into the fruit punch.

A goes to drink it, and then all of a sudden... EVERYONE AROUND HER TURNS INTO A PUPPET. And she's like "Woahhhhhh." And Mr. Wilson realizes that he grabbed the Puppet Potion instead of the love potion! From the looks of things, it was not the first time he grabbed the wrong thing to put into a girls drink. Also it should be noted she is not a puppet and neither is her crush. But Mr. Wilson decides to go to the party so that he can get these two crazy kids together. And when he goes to the party, he is a puppet. This potion works in such a weird way. I really don't understand it.

Soo then A starts dancing, her crush is like "whatever. it's a little weird that there are puppets everywhere, but it makes sense. And I'm still not into this girl."

Just then Cupid comes back into the mix and hits the crush right in the neck with an arrow and the crush gets these demonic red looking eyes. I thought he was going to get possessed by the devil. But apparently they were hearts and now he's in love with this blonde girl. Mr. Wilson then wants everyone to not be a puppet anymore, so he puts "human potion" in their drink. He holds it up and it clearly says "human potion on it." But once the boy goes to drink it, he turns into a plate of chinese food. She picks up the plate and Mr. Wilson realizes he put in the Chinese Food Potion instead! Classic mix up! So A just smiles and shrugs her shoulders and takes a bite out of the egg roll. One of the puppet gasps in horror... and thats the end of the video.

This was just about the creepiest thing I've ever seen. Maybe it's just cause I had the sound off, but something tells me having the sound on wouldn't have helped. I may try watching it with the sound on now just to see what the song is about. I think its something about love being so complicated like the alphabet... because clearly the alphabet is the most complicated thing in life.




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