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Close Encounters of the Real People Kind 1: How Not To Pick Up Chicks.

So you know those people that you see that you can't believe are real people? Or you hear a part of their conversation and you wonder how the conversation ended up at that? It's kind of like an Alien encounter, but these people are all real unfortunately and I've seen a bunch of them. And since I don't know these people, I have no shame in talking about them on the internet. I'm sure they're lovely people (well... maybe some of them) but nevertheless they could use some internet stories.

I'm going to start off with a train story, which are usually the best ones. If you guys have never been to Newark Penn Station, it's a weird place and half of these stories are from there. This one was actually on the train from NY Penn to Newark Penn. I don't think this Real Person got off at Newark Penn (thank god) but still, if you want to look for crazy people, I recommend public transportation.

Anyhoo so this guy was hitting on this girl and he was doing everything you shouldn't be doing and it was creepy as hell. First off, girls aren't exactly looking for love when they're alone on a train. They're just looking to get from one place to the other, and unless you're famous or rich or something, leave them alone. I mean if they talk to you, by all means talk to them, they are probably interested and you could maybe get something going there. But don't proceed to try to pick up the girl by saying things like "So are you what they call a red head" and the absolute worst line of all time "Am I making you uncomfortable?"(to which the red head replied yes btw) If you have to ask that, you've already answered your own question. It was really just cringe worthy.

And then it got creepier still cause another guy came into the conversation and was trying to stop the guy from hitting on the girl, but making it way more awkward. Now this part might get a little confusing so I'm going to call the original creep D-Bag and the second creep just Creep, and the girl will just be referred to as Red-Head. Now this was a few weeks ago, and I didn't totally hear all of what Creep said, but it was something that either was homophobic or made D-Bag say something homophobic... I can't quite remember, but it was offensive. And I'm calling Creep a creep because he did not help the situation between D-Bag and Red Head, and I think he was trying to hit on Red-Head also. I think Creep was starting to hit on Red-Head and then he said something like "well if you're uncomfortable you can just move." And then she was like "Yeah, I'm just gonna go sit somewhere else."  And so Red-Head moved to another seat, which upset D-Bag a lot because he then said to Creep "Yo, you threw off my game there" because D-Bag was obviously going to score by making Red-Head feel as uncomfortable as possible.

So this was funny to hear as a listener, but also very sad. I was on the train with a guy and he was kind of ashamed of these idiots. And ultimately we both felt really bad for the Red-Head who was really cute and seemed nice and totally better than D-Bag.

So yeah, there is how not to hit on a girl. I think my next "Close Encounters of The Real People Kind" will be about random tidbits of conversations I've heard before. Those are always the best!

Bye!
-Shannon

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